I can write my life in a thousand ways.
I can sing my mind in all three voices.
I can sign my name on a million lives.


How am I different from you?
My green-blue eyes are the same as the little girl's from the corner that spends her childhood asking for money.
My nose is exactly the same as the next girl's.
My mouth, two lips that scream my emotions like yours do.
My long brown hair, that reached my waist.

What makes us "one of a kind"?

We all feel happiness, sadness. We all want to live, and in the same time wish for the end of this life and the beginning of the next one.

We all love to love, love to hate, hate to love, hate to hate.

We all cry, on the outside or the inside. It doesn't matter how.

We all want to be surrounded by people, and in the same time we want to be alone.

We all want to share our thoughts, and sometimes to keep them hidden from other minds.

We all like music, in all its forms.

We all love to watch the sky, in the day or in the night.

We all love the sun on our skins for a second or one too much.

We love beauty, we want to reach it with all costs. But we don't say that. We are not shallow. No.

I love and hate everything that is near me. For a second or more.

How am I different from you?

TV

Today I shot my first TV commercial.Yeah!!!

Next week I will be on local television for approximately 15 frames (1second=24 frames), (in the fucking background) as a secretary. Hollywood, here I come!

I feel that this is a great start for becoming a real actress. NOT

But I felt good acting (typing something). Everybody said that I am the next Angelina Jolie.

Can you imagine? I already see myself with 12 kids from countries all over the world.

I think I should start adopting now. So that I will be a young mother (fucker).

You think you look like Brad Pitt? Come marry me. Yes, yes, this is a live proposal.

I have a lot in common with Angie. I have two eyes, a nose, and I swear I'm not fucking with you, a mouth. My lips are the same color as Angelina's. Red. OK, sometimes they are blue, when I'm freezing, but that happens rarely. Oh, and just twice in my life my lips were almost white. Just before I passed out. But worry not, I bet that it won't happen again. At least not when I'm naked(I hope it won't happen again).

I actually made coffee for the whole team. Not on camera, of course. Cause you don't get to do a lot in less then a second. You could probably fart. But the camera can't catch that. And I'm not Napoleon to do 5 stuff in the same time. And I'm not as little as Napoleon. Or dead.

So, yeah, today was the best day of my life.

Today I've died

Today I've died.
I've let myself fall and lay on the ground for the last time.
I say goodbye to the girl that brakes eye contact first,
The girl that is too shy to live.
I've killed the numbness from my body,
And I've drugged my past.
It no longer keeps me drained
In memory lane.
I've slaughtered my stupidity and my naivety.
I've washed the scars from my heart
And the tears from my cheeks.
The tremor of my voice is gone.
Today I've died,
Tomorrow a new ME will resurrect.
I say goodbye for ever to that girl.
I never want to see you again, to feel what you felt,
The sadness and the guilt that is buried in your soul.
You are from today on, gone.
You are weak.
Now let me born again.
Let me be strong.

joking around

I love jokes. Yeah, yeah, who doesn't.
The thing is that everybody in my family loves them, and knows how to tell them. I don't. I start a joke and then I forget what I was saying, or I forget the funny thing in the joke. I use the wrong intonation or I mix three jokes in one by mistake. I know that I'm not special(I don't mean retarded, more in a "one of a kind" kind of way) that are people that know how to tell jokes and people who don't. But being the only one in my family that doesn't know how to tell them(OK, except my grandma), I feel kind of special (in the retarded kind of way).

All my friends know how to tell jokes. That's why they are my friends. Ok, that's not the only reason, but it's an important one. Cause they complete me. They don't know math, but know how to tell jokes, I know math, I don't know how to tell jokes. See? This goes both ways.

So when I'm in a situation when my mind can't find a shitty subject to talk about, I ask: Does anybody knows a new joke? So there you go. A new subject. And it's funny too.But don't get me wrong, I love silence, but not with people that usually are not silent.

I get past the thing where I can't tell jokes, and go straight to the "writing them" stuff. I know they won't be as funny, but hey, who gives a shit?

This was my favorite from when I was little (Ok, I'm gonna translate it from Romanian so I think that when I'm done with it, it will be kind of "WTF?").
OK, here I go. I'm kind of nervous. Ok shut the f up and tell the joke already.

A sweet sweet bunny goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist: "Hello, do you have any cocaine?"
The pharmacist looks around and then whispers: "No, little bunny. This is a pharmacy.We don't sell cocaine." The bunny nods, and walks away.
The next day he comes again and asks the same question. The response is the same.
After a whole month in which the sweet bunny goes and asks the pharmacist if they sell cocaine, the pharmacist gives up and buys some for the bunny. And so, the next day when the (Fuck, it's a long one. It was easier to tell it) bunny asks, the pharmacist says: "Yeah, we have cocaine." The bunny grins and starts to yell "Call the police, they sell cocaine!!"

Not as funny as you expected, right?

I give up telling and writing them.

THE END of jokes.

could you please stop laughing? cause you're making me cry

Today I went for the first time at my ANTR class. I have no idea what that means. I wasn't really paying attention to what my teacher was saying, because I was studying her. It was just so strange. I never met a person that laughs so much(I laugh a lot, but not when I'm at work). And so damn ugly (if you could laugh ugly;can you?). One second she was talking, the next one she was laughing for no apparent reason, and it was like she had an asthma seizure. It was funny for a while, but damn, just stop!! I can't take it anymore. I don't know if I should get up and slap you or give you a paper bag so that you can breath and relax.

After 10 minutes I kind of got used to her crazy laugh, and got myself prepared to listen for what she had to say. Big mistake. Don't ever do that! She knows shit. She barely speaks English. And that sucks. Because I came to this college only because I had all the classes in English and not in Romanian. And guess what? I know more English than my teachers!

Songs on repeat: James Morrison- Wonderful World (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WV84qaiJdpc)
Jason Mraz-The beauty in ugly (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF1mGXCiAb8)

I hope tomorrow won't be a today.

what is life?

I feel that my life it's not really mine, and never was. That I'm just a spectator that sits alone and watches other live and laugh.
Despite the fact that I have 20 years old, I feel that I haven't lived a day.
How is that possible?
Why can't I just get up in the morning with a smile on my face and just detach myself from the shit I have been doing for so long? Shit that makes me miserable.

Every time i think of something that would make me really happy, I find reasons to just give up. Like when I had to choose where to go to college. When I wanted so much to go to Bucharest, but instead I remained in my hometown, Brasov. It was easier to stay here, I didn't want to leave my grandma alone. I convinced myself that I'll keep in touch with my high school friends. "Friends" that only wanted something from me, I later realized. I haven't spoken to them in 2 years now. So yeah, that was a strong reason to give up my dream.

I just want to change and move on, evolve into a better and happy person. Will I ever be able to do that??

i miss...

I MISS being a child with no worries what so ever.

... laughing my ass off when someone showed me the finger (doesn't matter which one).

... going outside and playing with my friends from 8 a.m till 8 p.m.

... listening for music in the kitchen and drawing something really ugly (and not on purpose).

... hearing my grandmother's stories from when she was a child, while me and my sister stay with our hands in a black bowl filled with water and salt (weird one, huh?)

... running toward the forest wallpaper that we had in our living room, thinking that if we try hard and run fast we can go into that forest (after five years and a thousand bruises we kind of stopped trying).

... spinning like crazy until i fall into my butt and puke all over the place.

... playing hide and seek with my sister and hiding in the same spot every time.

... the black and white TV that i had in my room (we couldn't afford a color TV). It didn't really work, but i was proud that it was in my room and not in my sister's. silly, huh?

... telling my sister that i got a low grade, and then the hole blackmailing me thing into massaging her 15 minutes a day every day for a week. (she would have wanted to blackmail me for a year if she could, but i usually got pissed off after one week and confessed the "sin" to my mother).

i miss a lot of things .

i miss them but i wouldn't want them now. i wouldn't want to relive them. because in that time, i kind of hated them all. stupid, yes.