joking around

I love jokes. Yeah, yeah, who doesn't.
The thing is that everybody in my family loves them, and knows how to tell them. I don't. I start a joke and then I forget what I was saying, or I forget the funny thing in the joke. I use the wrong intonation or I mix three jokes in one by mistake. I know that I'm not special(I don't mean retarded, more in a "one of a kind" kind of way) that are people that know how to tell jokes and people who don't. But being the only one in my family that doesn't know how to tell them(OK, except my grandma), I feel kind of special (in the retarded kind of way).

All my friends know how to tell jokes. That's why they are my friends. Ok, that's not the only reason, but it's an important one. Cause they complete me. They don't know math, but know how to tell jokes, I know math, I don't know how to tell jokes. See? This goes both ways.

So when I'm in a situation when my mind can't find a shitty subject to talk about, I ask: Does anybody knows a new joke? So there you go. A new subject. And it's funny too.But don't get me wrong, I love silence, but not with people that usually are not silent.

I get past the thing where I can't tell jokes, and go straight to the "writing them" stuff. I know they won't be as funny, but hey, who gives a shit?

This was my favorite from when I was little (Ok, I'm gonna translate it from Romanian so I think that when I'm done with it, it will be kind of "WTF?").
OK, here I go. I'm kind of nervous. Ok shut the f up and tell the joke already.

A sweet sweet bunny goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist: "Hello, do you have any cocaine?"
The pharmacist looks around and then whispers: "No, little bunny. This is a pharmacy.We don't sell cocaine." The bunny nods, and walks away.
The next day he comes again and asks the same question. The response is the same.
After a whole month in which the sweet bunny goes and asks the pharmacist if they sell cocaine, the pharmacist gives up and buys some for the bunny. And so, the next day when the (Fuck, it's a long one. It was easier to tell it) bunny asks, the pharmacist says: "Yeah, we have cocaine." The bunny grins and starts to yell "Call the police, they sell cocaine!!"

Not as funny as you expected, right?

I give up telling and writing them.

THE END of jokes.

could you please stop laughing? cause you're making me cry

Today I went for the first time at my ANTR class. I have no idea what that means. I wasn't really paying attention to what my teacher was saying, because I was studying her. It was just so strange. I never met a person that laughs so much(I laugh a lot, but not when I'm at work). And so damn ugly (if you could laugh ugly;can you?). One second she was talking, the next one she was laughing for no apparent reason, and it was like she had an asthma seizure. It was funny for a while, but damn, just stop!! I can't take it anymore. I don't know if I should get up and slap you or give you a paper bag so that you can breath and relax.

After 10 minutes I kind of got used to her crazy laugh, and got myself prepared to listen for what she had to say. Big mistake. Don't ever do that! She knows shit. She barely speaks English. And that sucks. Because I came to this college only because I had all the classes in English and not in Romanian. And guess what? I know more English than my teachers!

Songs on repeat: James Morrison- Wonderful World (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WV84qaiJdpc)
Jason Mraz-The beauty in ugly (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF1mGXCiAb8)

I hope tomorrow won't be a today.

what is life?

I feel that my life it's not really mine, and never was. That I'm just a spectator that sits alone and watches other live and laugh.
Despite the fact that I have 20 years old, I feel that I haven't lived a day.
How is that possible?
Why can't I just get up in the morning with a smile on my face and just detach myself from the shit I have been doing for so long? Shit that makes me miserable.

Every time i think of something that would make me really happy, I find reasons to just give up. Like when I had to choose where to go to college. When I wanted so much to go to Bucharest, but instead I remained in my hometown, Brasov. It was easier to stay here, I didn't want to leave my grandma alone. I convinced myself that I'll keep in touch with my high school friends. "Friends" that only wanted something from me, I later realized. I haven't spoken to them in 2 years now. So yeah, that was a strong reason to give up my dream.

I just want to change and move on, evolve into a better and happy person. Will I ever be able to do that??

i miss...

I MISS being a child with no worries what so ever.

... laughing my ass off when someone showed me the finger (doesn't matter which one).

... going outside and playing with my friends from 8 a.m till 8 p.m.

... listening for music in the kitchen and drawing something really ugly (and not on purpose).

... hearing my grandmother's stories from when she was a child, while me and my sister stay with our hands in a black bowl filled with water and salt (weird one, huh?)

... running toward the forest wallpaper that we had in our living room, thinking that if we try hard and run fast we can go into that forest (after five years and a thousand bruises we kind of stopped trying).

... spinning like crazy until i fall into my butt and puke all over the place.

... playing hide and seek with my sister and hiding in the same spot every time.

... the black and white TV that i had in my room (we couldn't afford a color TV). It didn't really work, but i was proud that it was in my room and not in my sister's. silly, huh?

... telling my sister that i got a low grade, and then the hole blackmailing me thing into massaging her 15 minutes a day every day for a week. (she would have wanted to blackmail me for a year if she could, but i usually got pissed off after one week and confessed the "sin" to my mother).

i miss a lot of things .

i miss them but i wouldn't want them now. i wouldn't want to relive them. because in that time, i kind of hated them all. stupid, yes.

What doesn't kill you, you know...

I changed a lot in the past 5 and a half years. Since my mother kicked me and my sister out of the house. Since when I live with my grandmother.

I don't even remember that day so good. It's all foggy. All I know is that we were sleeping and all of a sudden, my mother wakes us up and tells us to get up and leave. Just like that.
It wasn't like we didn't want to leave, because God, we wanted so much to get out from that environment. But we didn't expect it to be so sudden. And in the middle of the night.
I remember that we called our father to come pick us out. I didn't pack anything,cause I thought that the next day she will come after us. She didn't come...

My grandmother took her place. And, wow, what a difference. But still...

I forgave her 4 years ago for just leaving us. And I got used to not having a real mother. But I still miss her sometimes. And I know that it was the greatest thing that happened in my life, and I am grateful, don't get me wrong, but I sometimes wonder. What if?

And I do have a stepmother, but it's not the same. Even my awesome grandma couldn't take her place entirely.

So yeah, that changed me a lot. It made me stronger.

And I'll always have my sister to talk to. She's my best friend even though she pisses me off sometimes :)) Hey, but I piss her off, too. So we're even.